Feeling Insecure: Finding Security That Lasts

Right now I'm missing my mum. I miss my home. I sound like a little girl and I kind of feel like one too. It's been a challenging 3 weeks. I wish my mum was here to hug me, to tell me how proud she is and how strong I am. I wish she was here to tell me how special I am to her and joke that she loves me more than dad. She's so far away. Until today I've done pretty well at holding in a few emotions that come with moving out of home, and in my case, to the other side of the world. It hit me that I moved into my partners family home, who I've known only six months, all the way from Australia to England. The family have welcomed me in as their own and I'm definitely feeling the love. But it hit me just how big of a move this is.

Sometimes the emotions are real but the reasons behind them aren't.

There was a small dispute over a picture that I posted, and I use the term 'dispute' lightly because it was really nothing. My partner thought my nose looked odd in the lighting - quite laughable. But after a long night I snarkily replied "Oh, I'll delete it then." To which his sister remarked, "You shouldn't let your self-security come from a mans opinions." I laughed, she was completely right but I in no way believed I was putting my security in a guy - was I? That's when I asked myself; where was my security residing? Then I realised, lately I've been really insecure. Really emotional and my heart has felt quite ill-spirited. I've lost all of my security, all of it. My mum and dad waiting for me at home at the end of the day was security. The bedroom I loved for ten years was security. Holding my dogs was security. Having the freedom to drive wherever whenever was security. Having a job was security. I have lost all of what made me feel secure to follow Gods plan and so far the only thing that makes me feel secure, safe, enough, special, worthy, of value, is the one part of Gods plan that has actually happened; my partner.

They say don't place your security in people because they come and go, emotionally and physically. But as does every other thing I had that made me feel secure. A Christian would tell me to find my security in God. I'll be honest, as a person who is a major worrier and over-thinker, that challenges me! I find security in certainty and to me certainty is something that IS. I can't find security in the promises of God, though they are true and real, they're not in my ears, they're not in front of my eyes, when I'm at my lowest I can barely remember God's promises and once I do - I don't feel worthy of them. When I'm that low I can't see any reason why God would want to use me. So before I can even begin telling myself how Gods got a plan, how God's going to use me in big ways for big things; I first have to believe that I'm useable. I first have to remind myself that I'm a child of God. God loves me. He chose me. He's got me in His hands. Sometimes just repeating those words a couple times are enough to feel a little powerful. God loves me. But; the battles not over. I still don't feel secure. I'm still in the transition, my future still uncertain and I have no right as a Christian to start trying to cover up the symptoms of insecurity with a person or an object when I know theres a cure in the name of Jesus. His name is Jesus. There's nothing uncertain about him. He lived and he died - that is certain. He died for me and he died for you. You can't place your security in people because people are just like you. Would you like to be entirely responsible for someones self-value, security? Could you accept that task with certainty that you will never let that person down, that you could live your own life whilst being their constant sense of security?

You can't place your security in things that can leave your life as naturally as they entered it.

The only place you can put your security in is Gods love for you. He let His son die just to have life with you.

"Only God is enough for people and only people are enough for God." L.Dolman

Insecurities develop when you feel you either aren't enough or don't feel like you have enough. You feel insecure because you compare, you doubt, you dislike your past and as self-punishment you deny yourself the right to a better future.

Let me tell you this. You won't ever truly be enough and you will never forever feel like you have enough, the new car, new house won't fix this. The slimmer waist, better job, nicer clothes will not fix this. You won't ever truly be enough to anyone because only God is enough for people and only people are enough for God.

Find your security in the certainty that right now you are everything God wants and that you are moving forward even if you feel completely at a stand still. If you can't feel certainty in that then simply ask yourself to line a piece of paper in half and list all the differences between yourself today compared to yourself three years ago. God promises you progress. There is certainty in His love, there is security in His love.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

I encourage you to talk to God as you would your closest friend about how you're feeling, He is always listening.